Safe Harbor

“Being safe is about being seen and heard and allowed to be who you are and to speak your truth.”
~Rachel Naomi Remen~

 Most of us know what the basic human needs are for survival.  
1) Water. 
2) Food. 
3) Shelter. 

Once these needs are met, we have what we need to live with on the most basic level of survival.  When our physical safety is met, we are able to move on to the emotional aspect of being human.  Not only do we need to be safe in the physical sense, we need to FEEL safe emotionally.  This goes beyond our basic needs.

What is emotional safety? From what I have learned, there are two main aspects of emotional safety.  The first part is that our emotions are safe.  To me, this means that the emotional state I experience is not causing me harm or impeding my basic survival. It means that I have healthy levels of fear, sadness, anxiety, love, and anger.  In addition, emotional safety means that when those levels of emotion are no longer healthy, I have a safe person, coping strategy, or way to express my emotions.

A nautical expression that I believe relates to this is “safe harbor.”  When weather is dangerous and seas are rough, sailors attempt to find a safe harbor to wait it out in.  Harbors offer protection from rough seas and often block the wind as well.  While vessels trapped on the seas during the storm run the risk of being torn apart, those that reach their safe harbor, weather the storm in relative safety.  Humans have emotional safe harbors as well.

Some find their safe place in their bedrooms or in a special setting.  Some use projects to help them through their emotional storms.  Others have a special person, their spouse, a therapist, or a teacher who they turn to so they can find that emotional safety. Still others find their safe harbor in their religion or spirituality.

For humans, especially those of us who experience mental illness, we need to know how to find that safe harbor.  Just like a light house is a beacon for ship seeking the harbor, there are tools that can guide us to our personal safe harbors.  For me, it is often mindfulness, prayer, or a combination.  

When I feel things becoming too much, I try to focus on my beacon just long enough to get me into my safe harbor.  Often my dear friend is the first harbor I find, especially in the middle of the night or between therapy appointments.  She is very good about reminding me that her harbor is not my final destination but a stop to rest before going back out to sail on.


We may take shelter in several harbors before we reach our docking place. That is what they are for. As you navigate the waters of life and encounter emotional storms, know the safe harbors on the way.  Use them to rest and ride out the worst of the storm.  Know you are truly safe and move on when you are able.  Remember, you are not alone.  There are safe harbors all around and they will get your through the storm intact.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How to Eat an Elephant

Image
"How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time."  The above quote is a paraphrase of an African proverb.  Most of us, through conversation, or entertainment mediums, have encountered the phrase "Let's address the elephant in the room." in some form or variation. Elephants are the largest living land animals on the Earth.  The largest, African Bush Elephant, are 11 feet tall and weight 13,000 pounds.  They are massive.  My mind goes first to the physical space this enormous animal would fill.  Then to the unpleasant smell of an animals that large being in the same room as myself.  How could anyone ignore that?  But that is exactly what people do with the metaphorical elephant, their problems.  The image of an elephant in the room is used to speak of some issue or problem that is effecting a person or a group of people, but not being talked about.  As humans we are often too overwhelmed or busy to take time to really ...
Read more

Forgiveness: A Monu-Mental Task.

"The greatest gift you can give yourself is forgiveness." ~Unknown~     Sometimes it's easy to forget that, though we are responsible for our actions, being mental is not our fault.  It is not a life choice or a career path we planned to take.  I tend to be a very forgiving person when it comes to the offenses of others.  (That is part of the reason the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder was given to me.)  The person I have the most difficulty forgiving is the most important person for me to forgive. Me.     Why on Earth would I need to forgive myself?  Well, for starters, the way aspects of my mental health and personality present can be a little off putting.  I take up a lot of emotional space sometimes.  I can lack thoughtfulness and I offend or hurt people unintentionally.  There is a certain social awkwardness that is more than just awkward.  If I can forgive these things in others that I know have ...
Read more

If it makes you happy.

Image
"One of the simplest ways to Be Happy is letting go of the things that make you sad."     It's been a while since I last posted here.  Since my last posting, I have had a lot of changes in my personal life.  I stopped DBT group (for now), am driving less, becoming more active and social, I became engaged to my longtime friend, started seeing a new therapist and reduced the frequency of sessions.  The biggest change has been my happiness.       One of the things I have struggled with is holding on to the happy and letting go of the negative.  I have fought to do both over the years.  Sometimes I thought I was not capable of lasting happiness or that I would always live in the depths of depression.  Friends and family have often said, "You have so much going for you, why can't you just be happy?" This was never meant as a put-down but as an honest question to help them understand.  I couldn't a...
Read more