Mental

"Of all the things I've carved and whittled away at to create something special, meaningful, and unique, life hqas been the most precious.  The tools I've used are varied.  Education, imagination, doctors, faith, and inspiration.  The hues and stains; what seals, changes, and protects, are my family, friends, and community.  And from the rough form of my circumstances, my biology, my talents, this beautiful life was  formed." I am a woodworker.  I carve small items and artistic pieces from wood, stone, and bone.  I started carving and creating with my dad when I was young.  By age 6 or 7, I had my own pocket knife and was able to debark sticks and create points which I did frequently.  My dad taught me to use power tools and hand tools to plane, saw, shape, sand, and seal projects of various kinds.  As I got older I made gifts for friends and family and began etching into stones.  As an adult, this hobby and love for carving ...

"Pause.  Breathe.  Repair your universe. Proceed."     It has been a bit since my last post.  The reason for this is a pause.  After my DBT group ended, my therapist moved from the practice.  So far I have been assigned to two other therapists that have also left the practice.  While this could be a source of frustration or depression for me, it has been a practice in wise-mind, in the pause.     One of the major aspects of DBT (Dialectic Behavior Therapy) and mindfulness practice is being able to be comfortable in the pause.  Had someone told me even a year ago that I would be sitting here, calmly writing a blog post about embracing the times of pause, I would have laughed.  I am notorious for chattering, fidgeting, and becoming excessively nervous in any kind of pause.  I fill the pause.  If I don't, nervous energy builds up inside and I become even more socially awkward.  In that moment I feel all att...

"One of the simplest ways to Be Happy is letting go of the things that make you sad."     It's been a while since I last posted here.  Since my last posting, I have had a lot of changes in my personal life.  I stopped DBT group (for now), am driving less, becoming more active and social, I became engaged to my longtime friend, started seeing a new therapist and reduced the frequency of sessions.  The biggest change has been my happiness.       One of the things I have struggled with is holding on to the happy and letting go of the negative.  I have fought to do both over the years.  Sometimes I thought I was not capable of lasting happiness or that I would always live in the depths of depression.  Friends and family have often said, "You have so much going for you, why can't you just be happy?" This was never meant as a put-down but as an honest question to help them understand.  I couldn't a...

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions." ~Augusten Burroughs~     While attending a Christian university, I heard the story of the cracked pot.   Each day a man carried two pots suspended from a pole across his shoulders to the watering hole.   One pot had a crack in it and it leaked as he returned home to replenish his daily water supply.   One day, a girl asked him why he didn’t replace the cracked pot and save himself the extra trips to the watering hole.   He smiled and pointed to the wild flowers growing along the path he walked because the cracked pot had watered them on his daily trips.  For me, this was a profound symbol of how God uses our flaws to fulfill His purpose and to enrich our world.      I had always felt like something was wrong with me, like I didn’t fit into this life.   As I grew older and learned of the mental health issues behind the feelings I had bee...

"Only I can change my life.  No one can do it for me."  ~Carol Burnett~     There are times in the lives of all people when a lack of motivation stops them in their tracks.  As a person ho struggles with mental illness, I find those times more frequently than I would like.      What is motivation?  A simplistic definition is a force that moves a person forward in the pursuit of their goals.  This force can be internal, like a driving need that will not be satisfied until the goal is reached.  Other times the force is external, like a crowd cheering a person forward to the common goal.  In life, most of us experience a combination of both internal and external motivation.  But what happens when motivation evades us?  How do we manage the lack of motivation that overtakes and envelops us?     Personally, I had a recent flood of creativity followed by a complete lack of motivation that l...

The image above says, " I have come so far. I have done so much to get where I am. Although I know I will have setbacks, I know I will have days where I absolutely fail. I will never give up.  I deserve health. I deserve happiness. I deserve a day with absolutely no pain.  We will get there.  On day we will find a cure."  Many people live with invisible and chronic illnesses.  I live with chronic pain.  Most people who know me, know only about my knee or back.  They were two of my most serious injuries over the years.  What most people don't know is that my entire body is wracked with pain.  Something ALWAYS hurts.  It could be my head, my knee, my stomach, my shoulders or every muscle or joint all at once.  Every injury has left me with permanent pain issues.  Some days the pain is just barely there and I can ignore it for the most part.  Other days it's impossible to concentrate or move with out groaning from the i...

"I came here to let you know the letting go has taken place." Melissa Etheridge ~The Letting Go~ We all have things in our lives to let go of.  Relationships, pets, property, expectations, and                people are all things we will have to let go of at various times in our lives.   Most of us have heard the song "Let It Go" from "Frozen" sung to death over the years (especially those of us with children in our lives).  Idina Menzel sang the song in the Disney cartoon.  She also sang it for a New Years Eve celebration in 2015.  Many have criticized her imperfect live rendition.   "You can't get it all right all the time, but you can do your best." She said in an interview regarding the performance and her own perfectionism. She went on to say,  "If you've done that, all that's left is to accept your shortcomings and have the courage to try to overcome them."  This quote,...