Faithfully Flawed

"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."

~Augusten Burroughs~

    While attending a Christian university, I heard the story of the cracked pot.  Each day a man carried two pots suspended from a pole across his shoulders to the watering hole.  One pot had a crack in it and it leaked as he returned home to replenish his daily water supply.  One day, a girl asked him why he didn’t replace the cracked pot and save himself the extra trips to the watering hole.  He smiled and pointed to the wild flowers growing along the path he walked because the cracked pot had watered them on his daily trips.  For me, this was a profound symbol of how God uses our flaws to fulfill His purpose and to enrich our world.

    I had always felt like something was wrong with me, like I didn’t fit into this life.  As I grew older and learned of the mental health issues behind the feelings I had been dealing with, I felt that sense of being flawed even more deeply.  It wasn’t until I went to college and was surrounded by these perfectly flawed people who came from diverse backgrounds; yet worked through their flaws and adversity to bring light into the lives of others, that I began to think I could be of use.

    My faith is what allowed me to see beyond my limitations and trust that there was more out there for me than merely a flawed half existence.  I began speaking at events in College and church.  It was both fulfilling and empowering to share my flaws with others and show them that there is more to life than the flaws we find in ourselves.  That the flaws other point out to us are not always something that holds us back but sometimes can make us soar.

    After rejoining the work force a couple years ago and losing two jobs, becoming homeless and dealing with my ever-increasing list of medical issues, I began to see only the flaws and the limits again.   I have been frustrated and stopped in my tracks so often by flaws I’ve labeled as limitations; things I have allowed myself to believe are insurmountable.  It’s a difficult place to rise from.  It saps your energy, your motivation and leaves an empty space that cannot be filled.

    Recently the story of the cracked pot returned to my mind.  It reminded me that flaws some see as making a thing (or a person) useless can bring about the growth of something beautiful.  Just as the flowers were enjoyed by those who walked that path to the watering hole because of the flaw in the pot, I can use my flaws to bring hope into the lives of those I encounter.  This is one reason I started writing my blog.  By sharing my journey, I hope to encourage others to embrace their flaws, see beyond their self-defined limits, and find a way to use those flaws to help others.

   I have a lot of work to do in order to find where my flaws will take me.  It is not easy to turn negativity around.  There are barriers and obstacles all around.  But I am choosing, right now, to see my flaws and those barriers not as impassable and unmovable, but as stepping stones.  I am a work in progress.  I am not perfect, but I embrace myself as faithfully flawed and look forward to continuing to share my journey.