Mental

According to the CDC (Center for Disease Control), the second leading cause of death (in the U.S.) for teens and young adults (ages 12-19) is suicide.  https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/adolescent-health.htm#     Earlier this week, I watched the Netflix series, "13 Reasons Why."  It is based on a book by the same name, written by Jay Asher.  The story is about a high school girl, Hannah Baker, who experiences some things that impact her deeply.  In the end, she takes her own life. (A warning note here, the series doesn't shy away from the ugly topics including teenage drinking, death, abuse, rape, and suicide and contains scenes that could be triggering or very hard to watch in some episodes.)     You may be wondering why I am writing about this in my blog, how it relates to me.  In January of this year, my 14 year old niece took her own life.  She died in a senseless and violent way and it left me reeling.  In the followi...

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,  Humpty Dumpty had a great fall; All the king's horses and all the king's men Couldn't put Humpty together again." ~Mother Goose~     In 2012, I was living with my then wife in Tucson, Arizona.  There had been some issues in our relationship that made things very difficult.  By October she had left and refused to return to our apartment until I left.  It was a shock to me.  I had one day to plan for me and my emotional support animal to leave.  I was heartbroken.  The ground beneath me had been ripped away and I was free falling.       My cat and I got on a plane and headed to Georgia.  I didn't understand at the time that I was more than heart broken.  I was mentally broken.  I became afraid of everything.  Walking alone, taking a bus, talking to people.  I was depressed.  Depressed enough, I could barely get up off the floor at one point.  Like H...

"The greatest gift you can give yourself is forgiveness." ~Unknown~     Sometimes it's easy to forget that, though we are responsible for our actions, being mental is not our fault.  It is not a life choice or a career path we planned to take.  I tend to be a very forgiving person when it comes to the offenses of others.  (That is part of the reason the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder was given to me.)  The person I have the most difficulty forgiving is the most important person for me to forgive. Me.     Why on Earth would I need to forgive myself?  Well, for starters, the way aspects of my mental health and personality present can be a little off putting.  I take up a lot of emotional space sometimes.  I can lack thoughtfulness and I offend or hurt people unintentionally.  There is a certain social awkwardness that is more than just awkward.  If I can forgive these things in others that I know have ...

 Who I was is not who I am.  Who I am is not who I will become.  Write your story.  Don’t let your past write your future. When I was a kid, I wasn’t afraid of much.  I would do anything I was dared to, to the point of getting pretty banged up in the process.  I climbed cliffs, floated the rapids, hiked up mountains, and jumped from tall structures.  I played sports. Shot bow and arrow and guns, and built fires.  Even with all these activities,   I was always a little shy, always sensitive.  But something happened along the way that changed me.  I became mental.  Mentally ill, that is. My parents and teachers noticed raging anger and extreme sensitivity to criticism.  Eventually, I was taken to mental health services, which was not easy due to the way insurance worked back then and the long trip on the highway to get there.  We had one vehicle and one parent who drove. Depression was discovered ea...