"13 Reasons Why"
According to the CDC (Center for Disease Control), the second leading cause of death (in the U.S.) for teens and young adults (ages 12-19) is suicide.
Earlier this week, I watched the Netflix series, "13 Reasons Why." It is based on a book by the same name, written by Jay Asher. The story is about a high school girl, Hannah Baker, who experiences some things that impact her deeply. In the end, she takes her own life. (A warning note here, the series doesn't shy away from the ugly topics including teenage drinking, death, abuse, rape, and suicide and contains scenes that could be triggering or very hard to watch in some episodes.)
You may be wondering why I am writing about this in my blog, how it relates to me. In January of this year, my 14 year old niece took her own life. She died in a senseless and violent way and it left me reeling. In the following weeks, her family learned that she had been cutting and had been bullied at school. It was a terrible blow to our family and to the school she attended and brought to light the need for better suicide prevention services for teens in our community. While the loss of my niece was tragic and painful on many levels, that is not the only reason this series (and Trinity's death) effected me.
When I was a teenager, about 11 years old, the bullying at school, my home life, and my personal feelings of not fitting in led me to self harm. As I grew older, my self harm also grew with me. From eraser burns to cutting to self-tattoos and scarification. I felt lost. The bullying never really stopped, though I did have a wonderful core group of friends. I was dark, moody, and sometimes had violent explosions of rage but I refused to fight back when other students hurt me ( emotionally or otherwise). So the pain turned to anger, the anger to guilt, the guilt to numbness, and that led to cutting.
After the initial shock of Trinity's suicide, all the memories of my own self harm came flooding in. I knew, even as a teenager, I was going deeper down a dark track and I would eventually kill myself accidentally. Having all of this, plus the memory of not wanting to live (not suicidal but just not wanting to exist) all flood my mind and emotions really hit hard. I remembered the loneliness. I remembered the stupid immature things, some of the kids did to me. It was terrible. It was overwhelming. And I realized, my niece felt the same way. That was hard.
Due to my mental illness, these things and feelings replay in my mind over and over. The thoughts of self harm are always with me. They become intense at times of distress. The severe depression, the loneliness, the feelings of wanting it all to just stop come to the surface at times.
Due to my mental illness, these things and feelings replay in my mind over and over. The thoughts of self harm are always with me. They become intense at times of distress. The severe depression, the loneliness, the feelings of wanting it all to just stop come to the surface at times.
In "13 Reasons Why", Hannah Baker made 13 recordings about 13 individuals who might have been able to help her but instead contributed to, through either actively hurting her or passively watching her be hurt, her decision to end her life. While it was hard to watch, it was also very accurate as to the cruelty many young people experience at that hands of their peers. It was a reminder to me of the isolation that social media and rumors can bring and how important it is to listen to the young people in your life.
Suicide doesn't end the pain, it transfers it to those who are left behind. Teens and young adults lack a fully developed frontal lobe. Their decisions are made on impulse, rather than executive thought. Intense emotions flow though their bodies, the chemical signals are so powerful. At this time in their lives, they feel like the situation they are in will last forever and that, of course, it is all their fault for being a burden or too much or not enough. Listen to your teens. Listen to the ones you love. Even if you are busy. Even if it seems irrational. Even if you are tempted to think of it as silly. LISTEN That could make the biggest difference to them.
If you or someone you know are struggling with depression, suicide or self harm, please know you are not alone. If you are being bullied or have been assaulted, reach out. You can speak your truth. You can find someone who will listen. Below is a list of links for support. You are not alone. You have value. You are worth it.
National Sexual Assault Hotline, USA
1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
National Suicide Prevention Hotline, USA
1-800-273-8255
1-800-273-8255
National Child Abuse Hotline, USA
1-800-4-A-CHILD
1-800-422-4453
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233
Mental Health and other resources
Healthy Place
Healthy Place
Very well written, as usual!!! Thank you for sharing- very insightful is that teens are behaving upon impulse, their ability to back down is diminished, all the more reason to take each statement seriously.
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