The Return

"It's a funny thing coming home. Nothing changes,  Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same.  You realize what's changed is you."  F. Scott Fitzgerald
   
    It's been since September that I've written.  Quite a bit has happened in my personal life and with mental health treatment.  My father was hospitalized after surgery and I've been ill for months now. I
m working with Vocational Rehabilitation Services to find part-time work. On top of this, I have had yet another change of therapist.  (This is number 5 in less than a year.)  These changes are not by choice, the therapists keep leaving unexpectedly.

    Along with these trials and changes has come the return of a deep debilitating depression.  So deep that I cannot even leave my bed.  Fortunately, there is a plan in place to investigate these worsening symptoms and combat them more effectively.  Unfortunately, I am detoxing from sodas and caffeine so that has caused migraines and other intense headaches.  It's a battle but I feel like I am on the upswing. 

    One thing I cannot emphasize enough is that I could not have pulled out of the deep dark without my tribe.  Ever changing with several constants, my tribe is the group of providers and friends and family I rely on to help me when I cannot or do not help myself.

     First, I spoke with my doctor about homeopathics to help with the depression from being sick so long.  Then I spoke with my dear friend overseas and shared something I wrote about how deep the depression had gotten.  She encouraged me to contact my therapist.  I was resistant but did so anyway.  She was unavailable and I was transferred around until I was able to speak with a supervisor who was able to give me information and formulate a plan with me on how to deal with the worsening symptoms.  I talked with my roommate about the depression and we are working on slowly getting the apartment back into shape.

   I know I have a long way to go.  I am still ill.  I am still depressed.  My head feels like it is going to explode all the time, but I am back.  I'm not completely free of the pit but I am much closer to the top.  I'm just glad to be back here, back home, sharing with you all.

    If you find yourself experiencing worsening or different symptoms, don't be afraid to tell your tribe. There is always a way.  Sometimes you can't see it but, your tribe will bring a different perspective and a different set of tools that can help you.  Please don't let a locked door stop you from coming home.

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