The Pause

"Pause.  Breathe.  Repair your universe. Proceed."

    It has been a bit since my last post.  The reason for this is a pause.  After my DBT group ended, my therapist moved from the practice.  So far I have been assigned to two other therapists that have also left the practice.  While this could be a source of frustration or depression for me, it has been a practice in wise-mind, in the pause.

    One of the major aspects of DBT (Dialectic Behavior Therapy) and mindfulness practice is being able to be comfortable in the pause.  Had someone told me even a year ago that I would be sitting here, calmly writing a blog post about embracing the times of pause, I would have laughed.  I am notorious for chattering, fidgeting, and becoming excessively nervous in any kind of pause.  I fill the pause.  If I don't, nervous energy builds up inside and I become even more socially awkward.  In that moment I feel all attention is on me to DO something.  (I do not like being the center of attention and I do all I can to avoid it.)  But this pause has been a time for me to address some deep thoughts, relax, and renew.

    Since learning to embrace the letting go, I have been able to not stress out about this aspect of my life.  I know I will be assigned another therapist.  I know I can get help from various other sources in an emergency.  It has been vastly different from my past way of processing life. 

   While in this pause, I have learned that I might not need weekly therapy session anymore.  That I have often used people and therapy as a crutch to allow me to stagnate, waiting to be told what to do instead of seeing (or finding out) the root of the issue and taking steps to remedy it.  It is a big revelation. 

    Please understand, this is not meant to say I am "cured" or that I won't ever need that type of intervention again.  What I am saying is that everyday emotions and life events no longer feel like a major crisis to me and I feel healthier mentally, than I have been in a long time.  Peace comes from peace of mind and, in my case, a sound and wise mind. 

   I am truly thankful for the pause and, at least in this part of my life, I have learned to sit with it and let it be a point of renewal. 

    When you find yourself in a pause, take time to consider if it is stagnation that requires action or if it is a pause that you have no control over.  If it's the latter, think of ways to enjoy and perhaps ways to cope during the pause that can stay with you once the pause is over and that aspect of your life resumes.  Learning to sit in the pause has made me much easier to be around and allowed me to enjoy those moments.  I hope you are able to embrace the pause, even for a few seconds, and find the balance it can bring to your life.