Grieving with your tribe.

Grief is greedy, it takes your happiness, your sleep, your appetite and your energy.
Grief is a thief. It robs you of the will to function and the ability to relate to others.

  Grief is like solitary. Everyone experiences it alone, even among a group grieving the same event. 

Grief is a web. Tangled and inconsistent.  It turns back on itself and is never a clear path from beginning to end.

Grief is a survival tool. Without the process and experience. our minds and bodies would go into shock. 
Grief is a journey. And like any journey, the more you take the trip and go through the scenery and landmarks, the easier it is to find our way through it.

    June 4th, 2017, I lost someone very dear to me. She had been not just my best friend for over 10 years but my romantic partner for much of that.  Some will diminish what I am feeling by saying "It was only online. You never met in person." Others have acknowledged the special relationship she and I had over the years. Though we had not been in contact much in recent years, she was still at the heart of me. Because she lived overseas, it has been incredibly difficult for me to come to terms with the loss of this amazingly loving, kind, and funny woman.

    Through this loss, I have seen friends from all over the world come together to comfort each other during this time of grief. For me, my support system of friends, family and professionals has been vital to my functioning and enduring yet another deep loss in a short time.

    My tribe, as I like to think of them, is a small group.  I have a couple close friends who I can go to with anything, my sister and her wonderful kiddos help keep me grounded.  I have my doctor, a holistic healer and Naturopath who is always sure to check in with me, and my therapist.  There are others on the fringes of my tribe but these five people are the core of my well-being.  They genuinely are invested in me, as a person.  

    So how am I dealing with this loss?  Well, for a couple weeks it was just too much. I was crying nearly constantly for a few days.   My doctor explained to me that loss can put someone in physical shock. This was something I was not aware of and, as I began to sort through the emotions and physical things I was dealing with, I connected with some mutual friends.  This was essential.  To have people in my life again who understood my friend and the wonderful, funny, and sometimes stubborn person she was.  Being so far removed, all I really have is music and words. I chose a song and passed it to a mutual friend.  Then I wrote. I wrote what I knew of my friend and how she affected me.   I wrote a loving tribute to her beautiful, full, but short life.  I shared this with the online community we had been  part of .  

   For me, getting the emotional aspects and physical aspects of grief under control were vital. Had I not acknowledged one or the other, I would still be unable to function and constantly crying.  My tribe, my support system, helped me to see what I needed to do and through that I have able to function again.

    In times of hardship, it is our community that comes to our aid. Our inner circle builds us up and supports us and we, in turn, are able to recover and fill that need for another.  Grief never truly ends. But with the help of my tribe, it will be much more manageable.